Things That Go Through Your Mind as a Single Millennial

August 26, 2016

 

 

I’m going to message that boy from work who said hello to me once at the photocopier, I think it meant he wanted to have sex with me.

Messages boy from downstairs on G chat.

 

I’m so happy I’m single.


Its been 3 hours why hasn’t he replied.

Maybe I’ll accidentally message him again then be like, oops soz wrong person.

I’ll just go to the park for lunch and hope that weird boy follows me around again.

 

Wish I could still use the MSN nudge feature to get that photocopy boy to respond.

 

Wish I was getting laid.

Fuck this, I’m going home to download Tinder and eat half a block of halloumi.

 

Starts contemplating whether or not to call an ex for pity sex.

Researches different waxing styles in case Tinder becomes very successful.

If I get my nipple pierced and stop wearing a bra maybe I’ll get a boyfriend.

Gets excited because someone has messaged on Tinder.

Opens message.

Oh, they’ve just sent me that weird waving pipe cleaner gif.

Unmatched.  

 

 


Actually, my flatmate has some fit builder mates, I’ll ask one of those out and we can get married and listen to folk music all day.

Bored of swiping left.

Oh my god, that boy I brought home from the cash point last summer just got engaged.

Please no more shit skateboarders.

Uh, I’m too good for Tinder. Deletes Tinder.

I need an app that's like full of rich creatives.

Downloads Raya.

Waits 5 days to be approved.

Everyone is too fucking commercial.

Gets back Tinder.

Maybe I’ll just get a dog.

 

 

Text by Tori West

Illustrations by Josh Cook

From Disaster Zine.






 

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